Until Then ..

I’ve tried to keep silent, I’ve tried to be objective, I’ve tried to remain patient, I’ve tried to stay strong, I’ve tried tough love, I’ve tried to pray, I’ve tried to understand, I’ve tried to give up, I’ve tried to fight, I’ve tried to smile, I’ve tried to stop crying. I’ve tried handing it all to God and let him heal it all! But several months later and after lies and deceit and feeling like I’m not worth anything, I’ve been forgotten, trying to figure out where I went wrong? Trying to figure a way to fix it all, I’ve given up… Given up on all I ever knew to be true , all I loved, all I would have died for, it’s been for nothing . I kept thinking, praying, the truth will be shown, and maybe it will, but not in my life time, maybe after I’m long gone and it’s all too late. All I have to hold onto is memories , pictures , hand written notes, and half a heart. I have nothing left . I am nothing. I take up wasted space in a world of my own that’s empty. I can’t open my mouth to speak, I choke on my own words, I drown in my own tears. I’m a victim of my own fears. And she will never know, she will never know all she is worth to me. Someday maybe, when the gates to heaven open, and I stand there with my arms open wide, then and only then , will she run back into them, and I’ll hold her tight, I will never let go. Never again. No, never again !
But for now, my arms are open , but only to let go, and watch her back, her beautiful long hair, flowing in the sun as she runs away.. So I’ll dream of that day, that day, I see her beautiful face, the sun shining down, but she’s running back to me.. Back to the heart that loves her. Then and only then, will I find peace. And what I once felt, that was happiness. Only then.. When she comes back to me….


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