Jesus, Dogs, Candles, and Hawkeye..
What can those things possibly have in common? To me they represent, love, comfort, laughter, and salvation …. Things in my life that remind me of my youth, happy times, forgiveness and feeling needed by someone..
My nightly routine consists of these four things.. They ground me, give me a feeling of safety and nostalgia. When the tears want to constantly fall, anyone of these things can help them come to a stop and lift me up, above the pain of the reality awaiting me every morning when I awake .
Jesus. My foundation, my strength, my healing, my savior, my redeemer …
When I spend time in his word or pray, I’m reminded I’m loved, I’m not a failure, and I have a purpose, and that someone has my back, even when the rest of the world , it feels, has turned its back on me..
My dogs, my baby’s, give me purpose and reason to be. They need me, and everyone needs to feel needed sometimes. They also comfort me, with kisses and cuddles and remind me I’m not alone..
My candles and their single flicker of light, bring comfort in the form of hope. Hope that not everything is darkness in this world, and that I too can keep my light shining to help light the way for others. When they have lost all hope as well. What is life? Without hope!
And Hawkeye… M*A*S*H was always on when I was young, a favorite show of my fathers , I’d spend every night, on my tummy, knees in the air, chin in hand, and my eyes focused on the family room TV set, absorbing every word and scene until it was imbedded in my subconscious . Even as a child, I could understand the dry humor ( which I tried to instill in my own personality growing up) and also the very real pain and sadness that came along with War.. I wanted to be in the service, I wanted to be a nurse or fly a plane, neither of which ever came to pass, but that world felt so real to me, and my own father had been in that war, so along with his stories, it’s easy to romanticize war.. Though it’s nothing but .. But it still remains a comfort for me as a reminder of those years and the safety I felt being a child under my parents wings and able to experience that world from the safety of my living room floor. And it will always help me laugh when that’s really what I need . There’s just not enough laughter in this world anymore, simply because , out there, is just so sad now.
So these four things will always be a constant in my life until my life is over, and though they may bring tears as well, in the end it’s all worth it. At least, I think so…..